Stream of Thoughts

Oh man i am having the best time ever here at joels house, he is being great. I can't wait till tomorrow, i am going to have so much fun spending the day at joels cousins house. I have to give Braulia her gift for her baby that is coming soon. I can't wait, i hope i am here for her baby shower if not then i at least gave her a gift. If i don't talk to you then have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Well not off to a good start because i have a lot of homework, and i don't want to do it, but i know i have to and i have a exam tomorrow so i really have to do it. Oh yea i maybe even have to babysit tomorrow morning but it will be good to make some money, which is always a good, but i am bored with all this homework. Well if i break down hope your not there, later all.

Studying can kiss my ass, to avoid this i dyed my hair and i went to lunch with the girl, which took like an hour and a half, which was great, but i am so bored and i don't want to read or do any type of work, but i know i have to of course, i want

I don't know why but when something doesn't go right i get angry then it takes forever to calm me down, for example last night, stay up ti 2 crying your eyes out because you realize that you are an ass and you say things that you don't mean when you are mad, yeah i didn't mean what i said and i never meant it to come out, but it did and i am sorry. Then for no reason i blow up at the only one person in this world that cares about me more than everyone, Joel, he didn't deserve it and for like 5 hours he was trying to get me to realize that i was being stupid and that i don't need to get mad, then just earlier that day ashley told me the same thing, but this time i am truly going to stop getting angry i am not saying that it is going to be a walk in the park but i am going to try to hold myself together. Just the fact that some people do things that make you angry or get you confused and they do it because they know you will be sucks, that is how i felt all the last two days and i just don't know what to do about it. I don't like having people mad at me so i try to not say things that may hurt there feelings, but i do and i say it basically just to myself not thinking, which sucks sometimes especially when people can hear me.


Then the other part of last night was joel basically telling me that sometimes i ask him too much about what he is doing and treating him like a baby, i don't mean to do it and i told him that, it is a way for me to picture myself there with him at that moment, so i am going to try my best to not do that, i know i am saying that a lot but i truly do want to change.

besides that i fixed things with most of the things that i said and did but i haven't said anything to ben yet but i will, i hope that i can fix things but i don't know what will happen.

It is going to be hard for me to leave on Sunday, but i know it is for the best, Joel was being a smart ass the other day and said that i want to leave because i am sick of him, that is not true, he has been the first guy that i can stand to be around for more than 2 hours. That is the only reason that i know we are great together is because i haven't got sick of him yet. Being me that is how i got rid of my first two boyfriends, because i couldn't stand being with them for more than ten minutes. That is honesty, i guess there is something with Joel that makes me want to be around him, don't really know what it is yet but i will figure it out, i just think he is the one for me, i hope i am right, i guess that is all i can hope at this time.

Man i thought if i got up early i could pre order my books but guess what i got up way to early and the site isn't up yet, man i suck at life.

I am in a bad mood and i really don't know why, i am getting more agitated more and more each minute. I think that i am going insane. Someone please help me. I don't know what to do, i think that i am depressed or something, i just don't know. Hope this changes and i can have a little bit of fun today, but for some odd reason i don't think so.

I am sitting here in Joel's room all alone because he left to go to a thing with his cousins. I am a little sad but it will be ok because i knew it was going to happen. I can't say anything really because i have him with me all the time, i just miss him. I know i am a dummy but that is okay. I can't believe i have been dating him for six months. This is my longest relationship ever. I don't want it to ever end. I love you Joel.



~Hyena

Man i am having a lot of fun here at Joel's house. Miss everyone back home, some days it affects me more than others. I love all of you, hope you are all having fun and hope to talk to some of you soon.

Tomorrow is vacation and i am not gonna be here and it is great i won't have to work on school work. I am gonna be able to spend a lot of time with my one and only. This vacation is gonna be great, at least i hope it will be. I am expecting to have a lot of fun. I am spending the whole break with my boyfriend. I love you JOel and i love all my friends.